Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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