talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
