a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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