I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
