When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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