im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
