Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
