"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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