I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
