I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
