I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
