Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
