Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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