I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
