I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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