u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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