I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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