he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
