Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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