yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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