too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
