You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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