If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
