The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
