Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
