I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
