Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
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It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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