I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
