Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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