Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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