i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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