Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
