id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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