I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
