He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
