Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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