My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
