she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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