Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
