Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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