I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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