Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
