i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
