I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
