I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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