so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
