btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
