i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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