omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I said "one day" and that day is not today