roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal