"it" just moved
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.