I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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