Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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