guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
