I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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