Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
