Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
