i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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