you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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