do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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