I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
