I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
