The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
